You Will Need:
Sick children who won’t actually eat anything
Desperation Topped with Helplessness
A coffee maker
A rice maker
13oz Canned Chicken
Freezer burnt veggies (I chose corn and peas.)
Rice – quick rice or regular (I had regular jasmine rice on hand.)
Ritz Crackers Or Stale Bread
All of your patience…
1. Assemble ingredients through the chaos of your normal life, complicated with sick, wailing, stuffy nosed, uncomfortable, coughing and miserable children. Accept advice of your mother and decide to make chicken soup-ish-ness.
2. Create 1-2 quart of chicken base by lobbing the concentrate into your coffee pot and turning it on (not with any coffee in it, obviously; you’re just using it as a hot water percolator because any option not to turn a stove burner on is the right option).
3. While the base is turning into stock in your coffee maker, ready the crockpot.
4. Add frozen veggies of choice, a giant gob of butter somewhere between 1/4th and 2/3rds a full cup, a giant shake of dehydrated garlic powder, as much onion powder as you dare, salt until you feel a blood pressure spike, pepper, and all your angst; top with a can of canned chicken (13oz), liquid included.
5. Set crockpot on high and add completely (or mostly) mixed stock from the coffee maker.
6. Cook on high for as long as you think it’ll take. Check veggies for tenderness.
7. Halfway through or whenever, get the rice maker out and whip up some fucking rice by reading the instructions there.
8. When you have both items complete, smash them together in a serving bowl (not all of them, just as needed, otherwise your rice’ll bloat).
9. Serve to everyone who will reject it with extreme prejudice.
10. Eat it yourself and revel in how good it is and that nobody else in this fucking house will ever enjoy it. And, secretly, you’re okay with that…. Because,well, sometimes they surprise you, and prove you wrong.